Open your mind, don’t live in fear. TOL: Thinking out loud

Home, Parents, traditions, a country, religion, relatives, relationships, education, costumes, careers, perspectives and brains. That’s what we’re all made of. Oneself is a combination of all those things. What I realized today is that the person I am right now is really not me. I have been so accustomed to getting all my info from “those who know better”, Older people. I have not been taught to think for myself.

I have always lived in fear. Fear of disappointing. Ever heard the quote ‎”Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.” Chuck Palahniuk – Invisible Monsters?, I don’t want to be living proof of this quote. I am not planning on giving up everything I’ve learned in life so far. Actually I think I want to end up being the same person I am right now, but I want to get there my way. I want to think for myself and set my own standards. I don’t want to do anything because “I have to” or because “That’s how I was raised/taught”. I want to be free. I want a clean slate to start from and build up from there. I want my own perspective. I want to be rid of this inner conflict between what I think and what I’ve been taught.

I am not planning on giving up my religion or my traditions. I am not planning to pretend I’m from another country or a different background. I just want to be my version of me. Yes there are some things I want to change completely. There are things I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t because of this “fear” of disappointing which is just ridiculous.I realized these walls around me were built by me. The narrow perspective is my fault for thinking I can’t think the unthinkable or anything unfamiliar or against what I’ve been told. Because this is my life and I only get one. This doesn’t mean I’m gonna run wild and act like a child.   I will still make responsible choices and I will consider the consequences of my decisions but only I will decide if it’s worth it or not. I will take my own risks and I will make my own life. 

Doesn’t it drive you crazy sometimes? All the stereotyping in the world?. How sometimes religion is used to control people?. I also hate how traditions are sometimes used to justify inexplicable actions.  It’s sad how some people would let things like that take over their lives just because they don’t want to be different. 

We were created with a brain and a heart for a reason. A brain to think, analyze and reach conclusions not to be stuffed. Make your own thoughts. Think for yourself. A heart to be compassionate, kind, considerate towards others and most importantly to feel because you don’t live alone in this world. Yes consider other people’s feelings and lives, how they would be affected by your choices but do not be a soul-less copy. We were not meant to be the same and follow in the same footsteps. Yes there will be similarities and differences but it still has to be you who decides that you want to be like this. Everyone is entitled to live the life they want. It’s a birthright. Do not let anyone make you think that you don’t deserve what you wan’t. Or that it’s Impossible because it’s different.  Sometimes where you’re scared to go is BLISS.

Today, I decided I am free. Free of this fear of disappointing. I am not giving up the things I learned or the parts of me I want to keep. Today, I speak my mind and free my soul. I am thinking, I am open to the possibilities of who I could be.
Open your mind, let go of the fear and you can do almost anything. 

Fear of Change

Yes I was one of those people with this strange excruciating fear of change. You see, this is because my experience with change hasn’t been all that good. And so at the time when I hit rock bottom, the mere sound of the word “change” gave me shivers. Because I know the consequences, I know the feelings that come with it and they were not pleasant in my experience. Losing the comfort of the familiar was one of the worst feelings I’d ever encountered. I did not want to experience any kind of change. I shut people out and lived in a bubble with a few close friends for almost two years.

My experience with change had been heartbreak. It was a change of heart and a change of mind from just this one person that turned my world upside down. For the first time in my life, I knew how it felt to be sad all the time that you just can’t feel anything anymore. That you’re just numb. All those years, I’ve taken pride in being independent, outgoing, daring and almost heartless. I was not meant to be in that state ever, I made sure I didn’t. But CHANGE came by and I was in that state of helplessness. The strong independent girl was no longer the same. I didn’t understand how anyone could let any person affect their life and happiness in that way. And then it got worse when my relationship with my dad became confusing as well. My dad had always been my role model and my rock. But something happened that year and it made me realize that just because he’s a parent, doesn’t mean he’s perfect. It doesn’t mean he’ll always be able to do the right thing. He CHANGED. It was not the same when I saw him and it felt horrible. The people I had counted on for all those years were CHANGING. They had a life on their own, a life that I was not a part of and that hurt me. Although I have been doing the exact same thing to a lot of people for years. I didn’t know what it felt like before until it happened to me from people I care about the most.

For those two years, I lived in the past. Remembering how it was before the CHANGE. All I could think about was the CHANGE. How it happened, why it happened, I needed an explanation. I wasted those two years trying to figure it out. How can this weak dependent person be me. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I felt I was too young to experience this. I just didn’t understand. The fear of change grew stronger and stronger. I couldn’t even hear that word in a movie without my stomach turning. I linked everything that happened in my everyday life to this experience. I stayed away from all kinds of opportunities for fear of change. I pulled away from everyone. Until I started changing how I see this experience. I looked at it from a different angle. I didn’t see a silver lining but I saw a truth I have to accept. An inevitable one just like death. “Change is CONSTANT”.  And I realized that I myself had changed without even noticing. So how can I blame those people for the inevitable?. It’s not always good but it’s not always bad as well. I learned to accept it. Cherish the memories without letting them hurt me. Remember the past without dwelling on it. I learned not to let all my life slip by just looking backwards when I should be looking ahead to my future. I had to get back to being me but I couldn’t. At first, I thought it was a bad thing because I’d CHANGED and god I hated that word. But then I realized it’s not “Change” that’s bad. It’s “Fear of change” that drags you down. It’s your inability to accept what you can’t control that does.

Looking back now on those two years, I see myself back then and I remember how bad I felt but it all makes sense now. It happened so I can let go of this fear of change. And welcome it as a part of life just like sunset and sunrise, It’ll always happen even if you’re not there to see it. Don’t fear change and seek it when you need it. Life goes on.

It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would

It will happen later. His best friend will ask you out instead. You’ll be kissed in the movies instead of on a beach. You’ll end up going to a different school because the one you thought you’d get into didn’t work out.

She’ll move away. Someone else will move in next door. She’ll be a little weird at first, a little more shy, but ultimately really good at riding bikes and playing dolls.

That part you always wanted will go to that other girl instead. And you’ll rock it out in the chorus like your life depended on it. Because on some level it does.

The road you were going to take will be flooded and closed. The inn where you were going to stay will be under renovations. He’ll be taller than you thought. And have a funny accent. But will be a good kisser nonetheless.

You’ll get a flat tire on the way to that crucial meeting and end up peeing your pants laughing with the gas station attendant over a copy of Us Magazine. And someone else will fill in for you because they always do.

You won’t get that dream job like you thought you would. It will go to someone else with far less creative drive and vision than you. Someone far better suited for a cubicle than you.

You’ll be put in groups with people who put your panties in a wrinkle. You’ll sit next to someone on the plane who you’d never talk to except that they won’t shut up…and you’ll end up staying in touch for years and taking family vacations together.

Five years after you graduate life won’t look anything like you would have imagined. You’ll be single when you thought you’d be married. You’ll have kids when you thought you’d be in the Peace Corps. That trip to Laos will get delayed because you’ve got to stay home and take care of your grandmother. Laos will be there. You’re grandmother won’t always.

He’ll move over seas and oddly the Atlantic Ocean between you will bring you closer than you ever dreamed possible. You won’t get engaged, married, or pregnant when you thought.  You’ll miss the bus/train/plane/ferry that you thought you just HAD to be on.

You’ll fall off the turnip truck. You’ll jump on a different bandwagon than you intended.  You’ll get fired when you thought you ought to be getting hired.

You’ll realize you forgot the outfit you had planned to wear and that the shoes are all wrong now that you have a full-length mirror to see the whole outfit. Your shirt will be wrinkled and you’ll spill red wine on your white jeans.

Your dog will eat your five-year plan. You’ll drop your Blackberry in the toilet (at least once.) Your computer will crash and you’ll delete the first draft of your magnum opus. You’ll accidentally delete your hard drive and end up with a clean slate.

You’ll show up late to the date with the guy you were sure was going to fit into your husband suit and realize he’s less than graceful under stress and not so flexible. (Better to know now than later.)

When you thought you’d be baking pie and living behind your very own white picket fence you’ll find yourself doing something so entirely different you couldn’t have even imagined it a year before.  There will be moments when you’ll look around and not even recognize your own life…in a good way.

You’ll take a wrong turn and end up in an entirely different city than you intended. You’ll dial the wrong number and end up in love with an entirely different person than you intended.

You’ll flunk out and end up taking five years instead of four to graduate. You’ll have your heart broken when you were sure you were with the one and then meet the other one a month later. You’ll move to a new city to start a new business with those perfect new business partners and then it will all go to shit. And you’ll move across the country again only to realize that that’s where you belonged the whole time.

You’ll drive as far away from home as possible thinking that it will make you feel free. Then you’ll get homesick and drive back four months later because you suddenly feel trapped.

You’ll imagine the open road, country music playing loud, you signing at the top of your lungs, and flirting with a new man in every town. And then you’ll invite someone to come with you on a whim and realize driving around the country by yourself was a terrible idea anyway…and that its way more fun when you’re traveling with someone you love.

You won’t do it at the right time.

You’ll be late.

You’ll be early.

You’ll get re-routed.

You’ll get delayed.

You’ll change your mind.

You’ll change your heart.

It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would.

It will be better.

SHARED

Thoughts: “Life is worth living”

 

What is important in life? Too many answers for that simply complex question.
Some say religion, some say family, some say money, others say happiness. But when it actually comes to what’s really important, I would have to say Death. Why?! Because it’s the end of the current trip and some even think it’s the start of a new one. An afterlife, so different from the one we’re living. A life where all that matters how many good deeds  you did. Where it doesn’t matter how much you earn.

What’s death anyway? some believe in “Afterlife”. Some believe in being judged & going to either heaven or hell. Others believe it’s the End. There’s nothing afterwards. The more important question is, Is the way you live your life related in anyway to the way you die?. Is it important that you do good in this life so you can be reward in the end?. But what about those really bad things that happen to all those really good people?. Some people who believe in God or a higher power say that it’s a way to remind us that we’re not really in control of the world, and that in life there’s no such thing as simple math where “1+1=2” .

The most complicated truth about life is that it’s not like any other test you take, where you can quit anytime or stop, rest and try again. It’s here, it’s now and it can not be stopped. But what happens when that dreadfully painful feeling comes to us and we just can’t take it anymore. What should we do then? How do we overcome this?. Some believe that “God will get them through this”, Some choose to give up and end their life, a few choose to look for that silver lining, even make one if there isn’t any and other choose to sleep through it. Is there really a right way to cope with it? Should we learn and use different methods to deal with different hardships?

They say “Life is full of ups and downs”. It’s a rule but what about all the exceptions?. Some people spend most of their time going through hardships and adversities. And then there are others who seem to have it all. How do we explain this?. Where do we get off on setting rules for something that has no definite rhythm?. Something so different than everything else and we’ll never know how different cause we don’t get to experience anything else. There’s no such thing as skipping ahead to the end and knowing the reasons behind all the things that happen.

So take chances, Believe in yourself, do not try to predict, deal with the hardships, remember that each second you spend feeling bad, you get closer to when you’ll feel better. Do not miss out on life because although it’s hard and unpredictable, it’s still worth living.  Make your own rules, be the exception when you want to be. now yourself, make yourself better, grow from your mistakes. Do no dwell on the past, choose your future and set your goals. Just know that,when you do your best, when you try your hardest, when your run as fast as you can to achieve what you want and still fail, only then you can honestly say “It’s not my fault” then take a deep breath and help yourself back up on your feet. Smile genuinely and say it’s time for me to try once again in a different way.

What do you think? 

Best Articles I’ve read in a while

The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F***: http://inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/ 

Relationships: Ten Rules for being happy ever after:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1378115/Relationships–Ten-rules-happy-after.html

How to make a life list you’ll actually do:  http://www.raptitude.com/2009/09/how-to-make-a-life-list-youll-actually-do-a-comprehensive-guide/

The Important things in Life:   http://academictips.org/blogs/moral-tale-the-important-things-in-life/

5 easy ways to update your summer look without breaking your wallet:  http://collegecandy.com/2011/05/15/5-easy-ways-to-update-your-summer-look-without-emptying-your-wallet/

How to wear Hot Pink lipstick:  http://www.collegefashion.net/beauty-and-hair/how-to-wear-hot-pink-lipstick/#comments

How to avoid giving out your phone number: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/men/rejecting-strangers