Heartbreak … Will Pass.

ONE

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!

IT’S REALLY NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!

TRY TO REMEMBER THIS!…  No matter how heartbroken or distressed you are or how much pain you’re in now, try to remember that, amazing as it may seem, THIS TOO SHALL PASS – – eventually.

You will not always be in this much pain and sorrow.  Time does have a way of healing us – though it can be hard to believe that when we’re in the midst of feeling so hurt.

TWO

IT’S HORRIBLE TO HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN – HORRIBLE.

WE SYMPATHIZE COMPLETELY – BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN THERE!

Yes – let’s acknowledge that what you’re suffering is truly painful – difficult – hard to endure.  We can sympathize because we’ve been there – and so have most people.  As we’ve said, those of us who suffer from insomnia tend to be the sensitive ones, the ones who feel things deeply – no thick skins for us! – just lots of raw pain! 

REMEMBER, YOU’RE NOT ALONE.  Do remember that most people have been there.  Very few of us get out of adolesence without a number of stabs to the heart – and for some of us – those “stabs” were a frequent part of our young adult years.  So, you’re not alone.  It’s part of being a feeling, interacting human being to every once in a while get your heart broken.  Doesn’t make it hurt any less, mind you – but it gives you a bit of a philosophical view – in case that helps.

FOUR

ALLOW YOURSELF TIME AND SPACE TO GRIEVE.

You need to feel your pain and sorrow for a while. Sure, go ahead and play that great music you danced to/made love to/laughed with – that brings back searing, haunting memories – that really gets to you – do all those things – for a while.  Cry your eyes out – of course! – that’s what heartbreak does to you – you cry a lot.  It’s healthy to cry – important – crying helps you get through the worst of the pain and it moves you along the path toward healing.  Heart break is, of course, very much like losing a loved one to death – and so you must go through a grieving process similar to that. Allow yourself the time and space to get through that process at your own individual pace.

FIVE

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF NOW  Treat yourself to whatever will help you to feel better: a fragrant bath, a new pair of shoes, a therapeutic massage, Chinese take-out, a Broadway musical – whatever will cheer you up a bit and help you to feel just a touch “special” – even without your love.  Buy a beautiful book of poems, listen to gorgeous music (like Mozart – or Chopin), take a walk in a beautiful garden or a picturesque hillside.  And be sure to EAT RIGHT! – that means healthy, wholesome foods – not fatty, sugary junk food.  Ok, we’ll allow you an extra milk shake for now – one or two – but try not to binge or gain weight – or lose it (whichever is worse for you).  And do take vitamins and minerals that help to build up your resistance.  And of course, TRY to get some sleep! 

SIX

DO NOT FALL BACK ON ALCOHOL, DRUGS, CIGARETTES OR FOOD!  All of those are terrible things to do to your system (in excess) and we caution you to try to avoid getting back into any kind of previous habits you’ve had and managed to shake. There are better ways to cope with your loss!

SEVEN

LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE   That’s one thing you can get from even the worst experience – WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS? A great rabbi once said, you can learn something from everything, meaning there’s no experience that can’t teach you something worthwhile.

You WANT to learn because you don’t want to be in pain like this often in your life – right?  So you’ve got to learn what you can so you can help yourself avoid this kind of pain.  Was this broken relationship/love affair part of a pattern for you?  What does that tell you about yourself?  Can you pinpoint where your problem is?  Why you’re attracted to lovers/ relationships that consistently behave/ end up this way?  Or did you, perhaps, behave in a way that didn’t help the relationship grow and flourish?  There can be so many complexities to these things.  We urge you to be careful how you analyze the situation.

EIGHT

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP.  Don’t heap scorn on yourself for either being attracted to that person or for something you think you shouldn’t have done. That won’t help anyone!  And don’t trash your former lover, either. There must have been something nice/good/appealing about him/her or you wouldn’t have fallen so hard, right?  Best to be reasonable and balanced – and to learn from experience.  If you think there’s something within you that laid the ground work for disaster, but you don’t have a handle on it, you don’t know how to resolve it, you feel this could happen again, you’re not in control of the situation, you may want to consider seeking professional help.

NINE

REMEMBER THAT IT USUALLY DOESN’T WORK TO DEPEND UPON ANOTHER PERSON FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.  As important as relationships are – and they are important – truly central to our lives – we all must find our own true selves and our own true paths in life – independent (to some extent) of our relationships.  If you have been dependent on this relationship to resolve your problems, to make your “empty” life seem full, to finally get the love you never got as a child, etc. – well, not all relationships can withstand such pressure.  Best to get your own act together – to be reasonably happy, content and fulfilled, in certain ways, on your own – and then seek out a relationship that can add to your life.  Being dependent on another for your happiness is a good set-up for heart break.

TEN

REMEMBER THERE ARE OTHER FISHES IN THE SEA – IT’S JUST A FACT OF NATURE.  Do you think Mother Nature would set up a system whereby there is only one single person in all the world who could make each one of us happy – when the world is such a gigantic place?  That wouldn’t be a very good system for world harmony – or propagation of the species!  We have often marvelled, in our life, at how the NEXT love has proven to be so much better than the one before.  And then the NEXT one after that was so much better than that last one, etc., etc. And that doesn’t seem to change – perhaps because we do learn at least something from each of these unsuccessful relationships.  So, when you’re ready, (no rush here! – you really can’t rush these things) start looking ahead – to the next possibility. 

Socialize – get out there – meet new people – make some new friends! It will feel good.  Of course it’s best not to expect to meet someone “dazzling” right away.  It truly does take time to meet someone special – but lay the ground work by getting out there and circulating – that’s usually a good thing for a human being to do, no matter what.

ELEVEN

RE-ESTABLISH, RE-AFFIRM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.  There’s nothing like good, warm, understanding, loving and lovable friends after a heartbreak. Thank God for friends!  Now is the time to seek them out, talk with them, do things with them.  Of course you must try not to talk one friend’s ear off about your situation – that can be very hard to endure.  If you need that much help, it’s time to consider seeking professional help. And do be grateful for the kindness shown to you by others who reach out to you at this time. Once you feel a bit better it would be very lovely – thoughtful – of you to send a thank you note, little gift, flowers or whatever to any friend who was especially comforting, understanding and helpful to you during the period of difficulty.

TWELVE

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY…AND – THIS TOO SHALL PASS – believe us – THIS TOO SHALL PASS…

We would like to recommend an excellent book we discovered while researching this topic: LOVESHOCK – How to Recover From A Broken Heart and Love Again by Stephen Gullo, PhD. and Connie Church. (1988 Simon & Schuster). We cannot say enough good words about this book.  Dr. Gullo has studied this very subject and broken it down into understandable patterns and stages – and he helps you with each. Give yourself the benefit of this kind of positive expertise and help – And get your hands on this book as soon as you can!  It will truly help you – no matter how broken your heart is now.

Having a broken heart truly is terrible. But REMEMBER this too shall pass, shall pass, shall pass.  I promise.
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